Partnering Together
Partnering Together
“I’m exhausted”
“I’m barely holding on”
“Let’s be honest, I have no idea what I’m doing”
“I feel like a failure”
“I’m trying the best I can”
“Somedays I don’t even know who I am anymore”
If you are a parent, odds are you have said or felt one of these things a time or two over the last week, month, or years. I’d love to tell you that if you keep reading, I have the secret to being the best parent out there, how to be full of energy, fully engaged and just a kick-butt parent. Unfortunately, I still am waiting for the magic answer myself. Just the other day, my 6-year-old daughter spent the day at the orchard with a friend and badly wanted to have the friend over after we were done. After collaborating with the other parent, we decided to each go home, take an hour or so break, and then they would come over to play. Fast forward to an hour or more after being home and my daughter’s friend shows up, to which my daughter immediately begins crying and yelling that she does NOT want to play with that friend anymore. She wants her to go away and right in front of the other child, mind you. Now, we aren’t talking about a quiet little comment. We are on full-blown meltdown as my daughter continues to throw a fit yelling and crying that she does not want to play with the other child at all and wants her to go away.
I have to tell you, in that moment, as a parent, I felt a whole lot of different emotions. First, I was shocked. I had never seen my daughter this mean or inconsiderate to another person before. Second, I was embarrassed. So embarrassed that my child was being such a mean brat. Third, I felt anger. Anger at my daughter for this completely inappropriate behavior. How dare she behave this way; doesn’t she know I’ve taught her better than this!? And finally, I felt shame. Shame that I was a horrible parent and all of my short comings were now on display as my child is having a full blown meltdown and being completely rude in front of other people. Now thankfully, it was with close friends and they were very understanding. They explained to their child that my daughter was just having a “no, no day” and it wasn’t their daughter’s fault at all (thank God for grace in our relationships!).
Eventually, I was able to gather myself and all of my emotions, pull my daughter aside, and de-escalate the situation. But even after she was in bed that night, that whole encounter kept replaying in my head. Seeing such blatantly rude, mean behavior come from my (mostly) sweet, fun child brought up a slew of insecurities in me as a parent. I kept thinking that I’m not a good enough mom, that I’m too selfish, that I’m too tired to parent well, and overall feeling that I’m failing her. As I have talked through this situation with other parents and people who know my daughter well, I’ve received many chuckles and head nods, as in “oh honey, we get it… we’ve been there…it’s part of being a parent.” As I’ve stepped back from the situation and tried to put my emotion aside, I’ve realized…
I’m thankful for my village.
I’m thankful for those around me. I’m thankful for my experience in schools and ministry that have allowed me to work with and observe families for over 15 years, to remember I’m not in this alone. I’m not the first parent to see a side of their child they didn’t know existed. I’m not the first parent to feel so exhausted they aren’t sure they have much fight left in them to parent well. I’m not the first parent to feel like I’m failing my child. I’m thankful for those around me, those who have been there and done that in the parenting world, those who are in the thick of it themselves, and those who might not be parents themselves but love and support me and my family unconditionally.
I tell you all of this, for a couple of reasons:
1. I hope you find encouragement that you are not alone in your thoughts, feelings, and frustrations as you go through this parenting journey.
2. I want you to know that the Family Life Team at Faith Church wants to be a part of your tribe. Every leader who serves with our children and teens from birth through high school graduation (and beyond) wants to be a part of your village; we want to be there for you, to help you, to encourage you, and equip you as you parent your children.
Before you go about your day, I want to share with you one of the best resources that I use professionally and personally when it comes to parenting. It is a website put out by Think Orange. Think Orange is a curriculum and a philosophy that we use at Faith Church that is formatted to come alongside churches and families to work together to help raise the next generation for children and students who love Jesus. Checkout (and bookmark or download the app!) theparentcue.org. Here you will find blog after blog on all topics about parenting all ages from babies to seniors in high school. These blogs are written by researchers, parents, pastors, and professionals who just want to help you (and me) navigate the emotions, conversations, and struggles of parenting. I hope you will find this resource as helpful as I have! Also, if there is anything I or our team can do to partner with you as a parent, please do not hesitate to reach out. My email is courtneyf@wearefaithchurch.com. Remember you’re not alone on this journey. Let’s partner together!
